I sat and wondered for 4 days how I could write about 2011 without sounding like a Debbie Downer. I have mixed emotions about this past year. On one hand, it was one of the toughest years I've gone through in awhile. My dad was diagnosed with a very serious form of cancer on 1/11/11. We have sat back and watched him fight for freedom from this illness during the past 12 months. And he's still not there yet. The man I've looked up too all my life has been in a pretty vulnerable state, not knowing what lies ahead, having to rely on his team of doctors regarding his well-being and his life. He's had to lean on my mom for support because he was too sick at times. There have been times during this year where he'll call or randomly stop by the house and I can hear his voice cracking or see him fighting back tears. He is a Christian but he is still scared. It's not easy to see your big, strong, tough dad in such a vulnerable position. But it's also been eye opening to see him remain so optimistic and fight through this. It just confirms how tough he is and makes me so very proud of him. In addition, Jamie, who has a very small family, lost 2 immediate family members, his only uncle and his grandfather. So yeah, these past 12 months have been kinda tough!
But on the otherhand, it's been an amazing year! I'm more in love with my family than ever and my love for my husband and these 2 boys continues to grow, if that's even physically possible, by leaps and bounds! I'm so blessed to see how far Noah has progressed in these past 12 months. He's walking more and more on his own and it's a miracle to witness. He's doing amazingly well at pre-school and I can see growth and change in him almost weekly. He's playing more with Collier, becoming a little more independent and coming out of his shell more. I'm just so proud of my determined, hard-working little boy! And I can't even begin to explain what I've learned from him. I thought having a child would be all about teaching him about life but I never dreamed just how much he would actually teach me! And then we have Collier, who has breathed life into our family. We've been through so much with Noah and then with dad's diagnosis and Collier's happy and funny little personality makes it so easy to put all the bad stuff behind us. He's so full of energy and spunk that he just adds so much to our family dynamic. I hate making it sound as though Noah didn't bring these things to the table for us, but it was just a hard, worrisome time and Collier helped bring us out of that valley. I'm just so very thankful for God's plan and how He knows just what we need, even before we know it.
So 2011 has been bittersweet and I'll be honest, when I daydream about what lies ahead for us in 2012, I am anxious. I do worry about my dad. It's hard to not be afraid. But I have a much greater faith in the Lord and I KNOW that he won't bring us to anything that we can't handle, so I give all my anxiety and worries to Him. I hope and pray that 2012 will bring my dad into remission! I look forward to seeing my boys grow up even more during this upcoming year. So even with my worries and anxieties, I go into 2012 willingly because I know God has my back! How awesome to know that even though I fail Him daily, He'll never fail me and I will always be able to rely on Him? So 2012, bring it on... because we're ready!
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