I've gotten so far behind on my blog that I don't even know where to begin! It's an endless cycle and I just keep putting it off, which only makes me further and further behind. But with cancer treatment, building a new house (and having lots of decisions to make), a 6th birthday, and planning two upcoming trips (one including Disney which is time-consuming in itself!), it's been crazy busy and my computer/spare time is spent doing things other than blogging. The reason for my initial procrastination was that following my endocrinology appointment at the end of March, I had to come off of my thyroid replacement hormones in preparation for my radioactive iodine treatment. Several of the doctors WARNED me during my appointment that it would be hard and I would feel miserable. However, I didn't really have a clue what they meant. I guess I should've realized that if several doctors were telling me I'd feel terrible, then it would be bad!
On April 9th (the morning of Noah's Special Olympics) I woke up feeling terrible. I had been off my meds for almost 2 weeks and it was as though a switch had been flipped. I was dizzy, light-headed, weak, my arms and legs ached horribly and I was out of breath just walking from one room to another. I was also very hoarse and sounded like some raspy, life-long smoker! Every day following got worse and worse. I felt like I had the flu and I even vomited a few times. My vision progressively got worse and I couldn't wash or blow-dry my hair because my arms would hurt so bad, as though I had burned them out doing tons of push-ups. Even brushing my teeth was painful and it was hard to tighten my fingers/hand around the toothbrush. I experienced insomnia at night and would go consecutive days without sleeping at all yet I was more exhausted than I've ever been. I had severe anxiety, especially at night (part of the reason for the insomnia) and my mind would race over the stupidest stuff. It was so frustrating NOT being able to just shut my mind off and fall asleep. One thing that kept me awake at night was restless leg syndrome... my legs would get jittery and bother me and prevent me from resting. And the last week without the meds, I got very swollen. My eyes, my throat near my lymph nodes and my hands were the worst. I'm sure I drove my doctor crazy because I called her so often to make sure this was all 'normal', which every bit of it was.. she even said "I told you... it's miserable". Coming off my thyroid medicine (and no longer having a thyroid) caused me to become severely hypothyroid and all of these symptoms were part of it. Needless to say, Jamie had to take off work to care for the boys for 2 1/2 weeks. I spent my days laying in the bed, which is about all I felt like doing!
Two weeks prior to my radioactive iodine treatment (and a few days after I started feeling so sick), I had to start a low iodine diet. Here's the 'science' behind it... the thyroid absorbs all of the iodine from one's diet, so by depriving the body of iodine, it makes the remaining thyroid tissue 'thirsty' for iodine. Therefore, when they gave me the radioactive iodine pill, any remaining thyroid tissue 'gobbles' up the radioactive iodine which in turn kills the tissue, ridding my body of any remaining cancer cells. The diet makes the treatment that much more effective. And the diet was HARD. I was allowed to have 5 oz. of meat per day (NO seafood or lunch meat; ONLY fresh chicken and beef). If it had salt in it, it wasn't allowed. I couldn't have dairy, anything from the sea (seafood, sea salts, etc), no bakery goods, no pre-packaged items (cereals, chips, crackers, breads, etc) and no red dye. I did find a brand of bread that was allowed however, I had to limit the number of servings a day to 1-2 slices. I basically ate fruits, veggies and small amounts of meat. I'm not a huge meat eater so this was hard. Everything had to be made from scratch and luckily I found some cookbooks online that helped me get through this, however, I felt so terrible that it was hard to motivate myself to cook. There were alot of days that I didn't eat any meat and just ate fruits, veggies, nuts and some salt free crackers. I guarantee I was consuming less than 1200 calories/day. The one thing that kept me going (other than the hope of getting rid of the cancer) was that at least I would lose weight on such a restrictive, low calorie diet.... NOPE. I didn't lose a single pound. That's the beauty of having no thyroid/not being on thyroid hormones... i.e. NO METABOLISM to burn anything. UGH! Talk about frustrating! However, I made it. It wasn't fun but I got through it. My mother in law has a friend that went through the same treatment and informed her of a lady that prepares diet restrictive meals for this type of situation. My MIL offered to hire her to prepare 3 meals and 2 snacks a day for the 2 week time span but I declined that offer (I felt like I should know how/what I could eat without relying on someone else to tell me and do it for me). I later regretted my decision and realized that I was a NUT to turn her down on that offer!
My radioactive iodine treatment was scheduled for April 23rd so Jamie and Collier brought me down to UAB the day before where I had to have blood work, then dropped me off at my aunt's house in B'ham. I spent the night with her and she took me to the hospital that following morning. I got checked into my 'special' room around 1pm to discover it was covered in plastic and the floors lined with paper. It helps in protecting the room from having any radioactive iodine being left behind once I receive the treatment. Several different doctors came in and talked with me about the procedure then around 3pm, several nurses and radioactive technicians came in drapped in gowns and masks holding a very heavy tungstan steel container that contained my 2 small radioactive iodine pills. I swallowed them whole with a tiny sip of water and everyone high-tailed it out of my room. After 15 minutes, the radioactive officer came in to measure my radioactivity and then I was left alone to fend for myself. The nurses could only spend 20 minutes max in the room with me so they had to limit their exposure to me, and pretty much left me to myself with the occasional call to check on me or see if I needed anything. My only job was to drink as much water as possible to pee the RAI all out of me and to take frequent showers. The good news was that I was officially off the low iodine diet so once I was allowed to finally eat, I ordered lots of room service. TOO MUCH. I hadn't eaten since 9am so by 4pm, I was ready to eat everything on the menu (UAB gives you a 'room service' menu, like a hotel. The whole presentation tricks you into thinking that it's going to taste much better than the hospital food that it actually is.) I ordered 2 entrees, 2 sides and 2 desserts. I wish I could say I was embarrassed when I called in my room service order but I had no shame. It was a reverse no-iodine diet at its best! I guess it was a good thing I ordered options because hospital food is, well, hospital food and I ate about half of what I ordered. Following my late lunch I fell asleep, completely missing out on dinner that evening. It wasn't awful being in the hospital but I was bored. I was so drained that I did a lot of sleeping and just watched tv. They had warned me that I might have to stay 2 days depending on my RAI levels but after drinking lots and lots and lots and LOTS of water and taking 3 showers in a 24 hour time span, I was released the following day, late afternoon.
My mom had driven up to B'ham so she picked me up and we headed home. The next 6 days were spent at my parents house. Part of the rules were that I had to use a seperate restroom (flush the toilet 2 times and clean the seat each time), clean/wipe down anything that I touched, stay away from children and pregnant women for 4-5 days, stay 2 arms length distance from all others for 2-3 days and wash my clothes and dirty dishes seperately from everyone elses. The RAI is excreted through bodily fluids: urine, sweat, saliva, etc. THANKFULLY, I was able to start my new dose of thyroid medicine 2 days after my treatment and was told I should start feeling better after a week. However all of my hypo symptoms got worse before they got better. It wasn't too bad being at my parents house but I missed the kids and Jamie terribly. I came home from the hospital on a Wednesday and finally begged Jamie to bring the boys to come see me on Saturday afternoon. I couldn't spend too much time with them but at least I was able to see the for a brief amount of time. Noah was excited to see me, but Collier's feelings were hurt and he wouldn't have anything to do with me for the first 15 minutes. I know they were both probably so confused as to what was going on and why I wasn't at home with them. They came back over the next day, and since 5 days had passed I was able to actually spend time, hold them, play with them and give them lots of lovin'! I still didn't go home because it was very important for me to use a seperate restroom (and the rental house only has 1 full and a 1/2 bath that's in Collier's room and rarely gets used) but Monday afternoon, I headed to Florence to see Collier and wanted to be there to pick Noah up from school. Afterwards, I had to head back to Birmingham for an early morning appointment on Tuesday -- my whole body scan, which would let us know if my cancer had spread and if the treatment was doing what it was supposed to. Jamie's mom came over to watch the boys so I could get on the road to B'ham and both of the boys realized I was leaving. They both started crying and Collier was clinging to me and wouldn't let me put him down. It literally broke my heart and the only way I was able to walk out of that door was that I knew this was the last day I would be away from them for all of this.
The following day (the day of my appt.) was Noah's 6th birthday and it was so upsetting that I didn't get to see him off that morning. I had an early morning appointment and was at UAB for about 5 hours. The scan lasted around 2 hours (laying on a machine, similar to an MRI machine, with my arms strapped to my side and with a machine about 2 inches above my face.) Finally I was able to leave and head home to my birthday boy and the rest of my family. Since I was by myself, I spent majority of that ride home praying for a good report and for healing. I was nervous and scared but keeping my faith in God to bring me through all of this. Right as I pulled into Florence, Dr. Bahl called me and gave me the news... the Radioactive Iodine was doing what it was supposed to do and there was no signs that the cancer had spread anywhere. I could finally say that I was cancer-free! Relief, joy, thankfulness and emotion washed over me and the waterworks came on.
The past 6 years have been HARD. My family has been through alot of crap... with everything that took place following Noah's injury at delivery and ongoing treatment/therapy, my dad being diagnosed with multiple myeloma and enduring 18 hard months of treatment, then me dealing with thyroid cancer for the past 8 months (and it being discovered just months after dad went into remission). It seemed once we finally got to a good place, we were hit with another obstacle. I can't say that I understand WHY but I know God has a purpose through all of this. Thyroid cancer is known as the 'easy' cancer. Yes it has a very good outcome and the treatment isn't continuous chemo or radiation but it's still hard and it's still CANCER. Even though the statistics say that you're chances of remission are high, you still worry about the 'what ifs.' Emotionally, there were times when I was fine and then out of nowhere, I would be driving down the road and break down with the reality that I had cancer, 2 small children that NEED me and just 31 years old. In the past 5 months, I've had 2 surgeries, spent 3 weeks in the bed sick, went through RAI treatment and another week in seclusion from my family. So I can't exactly say it was easy. Its still quite the emotional roller coaster that you go through with any type of cancer diagnosis. I've learned alot through it. I've learned to trust in God's plan like never before. I've felt the joy that comes from resting in the comfort of the Lord, despite the chaos going on around you. I've learned that my husband is AWESOME. He picked right up when I felt so bad and played mom and dad to our kids. I hate to think of this, but I know without a doubt that if something ever did happen to me, the kids would be just fine. He kept our house clean, kept the boys from starving, still managed to go into the office and work, bathed and loved on and read to them at night. They left the house in clean clothes, with brushed teeth and combed hair. They got their daily medicines. Collier even developed a cough and Jamie called the doctors office, talked with the nurse and got cough syrup called in at the pharmacy. That's a monthly occurrence for a mom, but it meant so much to me that Jamie did it himself! I realize I may not have given him enough credit in the past. He literally did it all! I've learned about different types of friendships. There were some friends that overwhelmed me with their love and show of concern. I've learned that I want to be that to someone going through a tough situation. It's easy to get caught up in our own busy worlds of tending to the kids, getting up and going to work everyday and just sending a text (or FB message) saying we are praying, and thinking we've done our part. However it means SO MUCH more when someone does something thoughtful: whether that be a phone call (in a time where convenience, such as texts and email is the norm and phone calls are few and far between), paying a visit, sending a card, or a small gift to let them know you care. A little extra effort goes a long way! And even though I wasn't lying on my deathbed (even though I felt pretty terrible at times), there were times where a sweet gesture was the highlight of my day and was all I needed to have my spirits lifted.
No comments:
Post a Comment